


Tempest Tossed

by noydb666 (Elynittria)



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-28
Updated: 2005-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elynittria/pseuds/noydb666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The <i>Starbug</i> crew find an occupied stasis pod in a ruined mining camp. Will its contents tear Rimmer and Lister apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place sometime after "Legion." In this universe, Rimmer/Lister are an established couple, and Series 7 and 8 never take place.

O brave new world / That has such people in it!  
                        — Shakespeare, _The Tempest_ (V, ii, 183–184)

"Sorry to bother you, sirs, but we're picking up a signal from a distress beacon," announced Kryten over the intercom. He knew better than to activate the viewscreen. Ever since Lister and Rimmer had inexplicably decided about a year ago that they were in love with one another, they had insisted on being granted the maximum amount of privacy available on such a small ship. Kryten was rather bemused by their relationship, but figured that if it made Lister happy, it was all right by him. He was more than willing to make small accommodations in order to keep the peace on board _Starbug_.

"We'll be right there," Lister replied. He nudged the man dozing beside him. "C'mon Rimmer. Duty calls."

"Hmmmm," agreed Rimmer sleepily. "It's probably from a psychopathic killer of some variety or other—I don't see what the rush is to go check it out."

"It could be other human beings—or even aliens, like you always used to say. Where's your sense of adventure, man?"

Rimmer sat up and began pulling on his clothes. "It died of natural causes after being on the receiving end of too many attempts to remove us from this universe."

"You're such a pessimist," grumbled Lister good-naturedly as he finished dressing.

"It's called being a realist," countered Rimmer. "But I suppose nothing I say is going to stop you from checking out this signal, so I might as well go along to keep you out of trouble."

Lister bent down and kissed Rimmer on the cheek. "Yeah, you're me personal alarm system—I can count on you to point out danger by running away from it."

"Ha, ha," Rimmer said automatically, not taking any offense from Lister's remark. Things had changed since the days Lister used to make such remarks to hurt him. Nowadays, their arguments were more like games than combat. "I'll remind you of that when you're doing the hundred-meter dash to get away from the inevitable nutter with a laser blaster that's waiting for us down there." He heaved himself off the bunk, and the two set off for the cockpit.

Kryten looked up from his console as Rimmer and Lister entered and took their stations. "It appears to be some kind of mining outpost, sirs," he announced. "The distress beacon is probably automated—there are no life forms showing on the scanners."

Cat swiveled around in the pilot's seat. "I'm not picking up any danger signals on nostril scan, either."

"A mining outpost, 'eh?" Lister mused. "It might have some supplies worth liberating. I say let's land and check it out."

The others agreed, so Cat took _Starbug_ down. The planetoid was barren and moon-like, with gray boulders and sand as far as the eye could see. It would never be mistaken for a tourist destination.

"Ugh! What a boring place!" Cat opined. "No wonder it's deserted—I bet you couldn't pay people to stay here for more than five minutes."

"Don't worry," Lister said. "We're just gonna look through the buildings and then be on our way." He led the way toward a cluster of interconnected buildings that composed the mining outpost.

"I hope they're more fashionably decorated than the rest of this place," mumbled the Cat under his breath.

Unfortunately, the buildings turned out to be just as drab and cheerless as the planetoid's surface. Even when the rooms hadn't been covered by a foot of gray dust, the place must have been depressingly dull. There was an office, several warehouses and equipment sheds, what seemed to have been a combination recreation and dining room, and a large barracks area, all of which were built of the same prefabricated material. The emphasis seemed to have been on utility rather than aesthetics.

The crew began their search in the office. Kryten quickly found the source of the distress signal, but no further information could be gathered about why it had been activated—the log recording device was a warped and blackened mass of metal.

"Looks like they had a fire," commented Lister.

"If they did, it must have been very localized," Rimmer replied. "The only thing in this office that's burnt is the log recorder. My bet is that whoever or whatever was the cause of the alarm sabotaged the recorder to cover his tracks."

"Whatever happened must have occurred a long time ago," Kryten said as he searched through a pile of plastic flimsies on a desk. "These documents all date from the twenty-third century. Given that and the fact that our scans showed no life forms on the planet, I think it's safe for us to go looking for supplies. Personally, I want to see if they have any spices—we're running low on just about everything."

"Go for it, Krytes. We'll go search the rec room." With that, the group split up. Kryten headed for the storerooms, and the others made their way to the recreation/dining room. Lister quickly found a stack of AR games in a cabinet and began looking through them with Rimmer. Bored, Cat wandered off toward the barracks.

A few minutes later, Cat ran back into the rec room. "Hey buds! Come quick—I found a woman!"

"You what?" exclaimed Lister.

"How is that possible?" asked Rimmer. "Is she alive?"

"Well, sort of," said Cat. "She's in one of those stasis pod thingies. But you can see her face and she's definitely a good-looking babe—just what we needed to round out our crew."

"Let's check 'er out," said Lister. "Lead the way, Cat." As they entered the main corridor, Lister turned toward the direction of the storerooms and yelled to Kryten to come join them.

Cat led them to a trio of stasis pods in the far corner of the barracks. He patted the one on the left. "Our girl's in here."

Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "_Our_ girl? Surely that's a bit presumptuous..."

"It's just a figure of speech, Rimmer," said Lister calmly as he peered into the stasis pod. There was indeed a woman inside. From what little he could see given the poor lighting and the scarred surface of the pod, she was in her late twenties and was quite pretty.

Kryten was examining the pod's controls. "It looks as if it would be possible to revive her," he commented.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Cat impatiently, preening himself so as to be looking his best when she awoke.

"I'm not sure reviving her would be a good idea," said Rimmer.

"Why not?" demanded Lister.

"Two reasons. One: She could be another insane killer like Dr. Lanstrom. And two: She might not appreciate being brought back to life only to discover that everyone she knows is dead and millions of years have passed."  
"I managed OK, didn't I?" Lister asked rhetorically. True, it had been a shock, but he had adapted fairly quickly. "And since I know what it's like, I can help her through the rough bits."

Kryten spoke up. "The readings state that she is an organic life form; therefore, we needn't worry about a holovirus having corrupted her mental faculties, as was the case with Dr. Lanstrom."

"What if she's infected with a biological virus? Have you thought of that? It could be what killed everybody else on this base, and we'd be letting it loose to kill us too if we revived her."

"My scans aren't picking up any viruses," Kryten replied. "Of course, the medi-comp on board _Starbug_ is more powerful and would provide a definitive answer regarding that possibility. We could simply transport the pod to the _Bug_ and scan it before initiating the revival procedure."

"Enough of this arguing," Cat said forcefully. "Let's get her back to the ship and get on with it."

"I agree," said Lister. He saw that Rimmer was about to object, so he quickly spoke up first. "Me and Rimmer'll go back to the _Bug_ and get the teleporter. You guys can keep looking around for any useful stuff." He tugged on Rimmer's arm to get him moving. "C'mon, Rimsy."

Rimmer accompanied Lister in silence until they reached _Starbug_, at which point he felt he needed to try one more time to talk some sense into Lister. "Lister," he began. "I think we should abandon the idea of reviving this person. We don't know anything about her or why she was the only one in stasis."

"Yeah, I hear what you're sayin'," Lister said, "and you've got some good points. But it's just not right to leave her there like that. She's alive, man, and she deserves to have a chance to live out her life the way she wants, instead of being stuck in stasis forever. Don't worry, we'll take precautions about viruses and stuff like that—and I didn't see any weapon with her in the pod."

Lister hesitated, unsure how to bring up the issue that he felt lay beneath Rimmer's other concerns. Finally, he figured he'd just say it straight out: "Look, I know you're probably worried about what will happen to our relationship once there's a woman on board. But you shouldn't be—I'm not gonna dump you. It took me way too long to realize that you're the one I've been looking for me whole life, so I'm not about to let you go so easily. You've gotta trust me, Rimmer."

Rimmer sighed. It was true that part of his concern stemmed from a fear of losing Lister, but it wasn't because he didn't trust Lister—it was because he didn't trust himself. He still didn't see himself as worthy of being loved, so it seemed only natural that Lister would leave at the first opportunity. He was surprised they had lasted this long. But this fear was only part of the reason he objected to reviving the woman in the pod. He simply had a really bad feeling about the idea. Given their track record, the odds were very high that something would go very wrong and put them in danger. The last thing he wanted was for Lister to be injured or killed. The man was way too trusting of total strangers. Rimmer wanted to explain all this, but decided it wasn't worth trying. His opinion had never counted for much with other people, so he had gotten used to being ignored or overruled.

"I _do_ trust you, Listy," he said finally. "At least, as much as I've ever trusted anyone. I just worry about you."

"Well, don't," grinned Lister. "There's nothing to worry about! So are you going to help us get the pod back here or not?"

"I'll help," agreed Rimmer reluctantly.

"Brutal! Let's go, then."

* * *

 

"All tests are negative, sirs," announced Kryten. "There is no danger of contamination if we revive the pod's occupant."

"Let's do it," said Lister.

Kryten nodded and began manipulating the controls. Cat got out his pocket mirror for yet another evaluation of his appearance. Rimmer stood ramrod straight just inside the entrance to the medi-bay, bouncing slightly on his heels. Lister noticed his uneasiness and moved to stand next to him, unobtrusively taking his hand and squeezing it. Rimmer jumped, startled, but then returned the pressure. He knew Lister meant the gesture as reassurance regarding their relationship, and he was grateful for the caring it demonstrated. However, it could not calm his nervousness.

The slight hum emitted by the stasis field faded, and the pod door swung open. A slender young woman with long black hair stepped out and stood blinking in the glare of the ship's harsh lighting.

"Where am I?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice. "Who are you, and what do you want?"

Lister stepped forward. "You're on board the JMC vessel _Starbug_, and we're the crew. I'm Dave Lister, and these are Kryten, Cat, and Rimmer," he said, indicating each in turn. "We found you in stasis and rescued you. We don't want anything, except to help."

Cat smiled widely, revealing his dazzling white fangs. "Speak for yourself, gerbil cheeks. _I_ want to get to know this charming creature better." He stepped toward the woman with elegant grace. "I'm sure you'll feel the same way, sweetheart," he said, taking her hand and kissing it. "You've just met the most handsome being in the universe."

The woman deftly disengaged her hand from his grasp as she returned his smile. "It's a pleasure to meet all of you. My name is Miranda." She glanced around the room. "Where are the others?"

"I'm afraid you were the only survivor," Lister said gently.

Miranda looked confused for a moment, and then her eyes widened as comprehension seemed to dawn. The brilliance of their blue color deepened as tears welled up in them. "Oh no," she gasped, swaying slightly. Kryten reached out to steady her and led her to one of the bunks, helping her sit down.

"What happened?" she asked tearfully, looking up at the men gathered around her.

"We were hoping you could tell us," said Rimmer, his nervousness making him sound harsh and abrupt.

"Me?" she echoed uncertainly. "I have no idea... Everything was fine when I went into stasis.... How could you possibly think I was responsible for what happened?" The tears rolled down her cheeks silently.

"He doesn't think any such thing," Lister reassured her, throwing a warning look at Rimmer. "Do you, Rimmer?"

Avoiding a direct answer, Rimmer asked the question that had been nagging at him since they discovered her: "Why were you the only one in stasis?"

"I sneaked into one of the pods because I wanted to avoid what would have been the fifth anniversary of a very important relationship that had ended painfully a month or so ago. They're supposed to be for emergencies only, but I couldn't deal with being alone that day and seeing him with someone else." Miranda paused, her eyes flickering over the crew nervously. She ending up staring at her hands, which twisted nervously in her lap. She took a deep breath and visibly gathered herself to proceed with her explanation. When she looked up again, her eyes sought out Lister and gazed at him intently. "I thought I had programmed it to wake me up after the day was over so I could go back to work, but I guess I screwed it up." Her lips trembled, and she bit them as if to avoid breaking down into sobs. Lister's heart went out to her.

Rimmer processed this explanation and found it plausible—it sounded like something he would have done—but then he thought of something that didn't quite fit. "But," he began, but got no further.

"I think our guest is tired," Lister said loudly, deliberately interrupting Rimmer. He addressed Miranda in a softer tone of voice: "Kryten will show you to some unused quarters. You'll probably want to get used to your new situation for a bit. Let us know if you want anything. Dinner will be in about an hour, if you're interested."

"Thank you," said Miranda, smiling at him gratefully and swiping at her watery eyes. "You are very kind." She took the hand that Cat offered her and stood up. "Thank you all," she added, encompassing Kryten and the Cat in her smile but excluding Rimmer. She left the room with Kryten.

"Ye-ow!" exclaimed Cat when he thought she was out of earshot. "Life on board this junk heap just got 100% better!" He danced out of the room and headed for the cockpit.

"Sorry about interrupting you, Rimmer," Lister said once they were alone. "It was just that she was getting kind of stressed out, so I thought we should hold off on any more questions for the moment."

"All right, but I think we really need to ask some hard questions soon. She knew without us telling her that something bad happened on that base, which seems a little odd to me."

Lister shrugged. "Not to me. She asked us what happened to everyone else, and we told her she was the only survivor, so of course she'd assume that some disaster happened. End of story."

"We never told her that we answered a distress beacon," Rimmer argued. "If everything was fine when she entered the stasis pod, like she claims, then she wouldn't have known that the beacon was ever activated."

"You're just being paranoid, man. Of course she'd assume we answered the beacon. How else would we have found her?"

"She still doesn't know how much time has passed. Wouldn't you assume in her position that the likeliest people to have landed on that planet would have been from a company ship or some supply ship? Yet here we are, outsiders from a mining company that never operated in this part of the galaxy, and she doesn't even question how or why we showed up."

Lister sighed. Sometimes Rimmer didn't seem to understand basic human emotions, he thought. "Look, Rimmer, she's upset and confused. She's not going to be totally logical right now, and we can't hold that against her. I don't see anything to worry about. So relax, OK? And try to go a little easy on her—she's going through a tough time."

"I'll hold off for now," Rimmer agreed. But he silently vowed to keep a close eye on her nonetheless.

* * *

Alone in her new quarters, Miranda paced the small room, thinking furiously. Her current situation had promise, but there were many pitfalls she needed to avoid. She had almost blown everything by blurting out a question without stopping to gather information first—she needed to be more careful in the future. The size of this vessel's crew had surprised her, leading to her indiscreet question. Luckily, her interrogater had thought she was asking about the whereabouts of the others from the mining base rather than about the lack of personnel on this ship. She knew what had become of the others on the base and wouldn't have thought to inquire about their well-being. Due to this fortunate misinterpretation, however, she could now gain sympathy from this crew as a victim overwhelmed by the trauma she had endured.

Miranda laughed bitterly. She _had_ endured a lot, she thought. But men—especially miners—were incapable of understanding that. To them she was just "a pleasure GELF," a thing that could be used and then ignored, as if she had no feelings. The miners on the base had never asked her her name, preferring instead to call her by whatever turned them on. They had never wondered if she minded taking on the forms and attributes of other women. After all, she was an artificially created lifeform and supposedly incapable of caring one way or the other. How little they knew!

She had fought to find her own emotions and her own form. It had been a long, difficult struggle, but at last she had succeeded. She had become Miranda, a woman capable of independent life and thought. _Well, almost independent,_ she amended. But the small-minded men on the base had refused to accept that fact. They wanted their living doll back. _What they received was what they deserved,_ she assured herself. She would never let herself be defined by men again. She would mold the men on board this ship to her will rather than the other way around, and use their life force—their physical and emotional energy—to maintain her chosen form.

Already she had begun her work, subtly influencing the men through pheromones and the psychic abilities inherent to pleasure GELFs. The two known as Lister and Cat would be the easiest to manipulate and had the most to offer her. The bond between Lister and the suspicious one—what was his name? Rimmer?—might be a problem, however. She'd have to work on that. She sat down on the bunk and began sifting through the information she had managed to gather from the minds of the crew members. She knew she'd figure out a way to get what she wanted—it was just a matter of time.


	2. Chapter 2

Rimmer walked into the galley to get his second cup of tea for the morning only to be confronted by the sight of Lister, eyes closed in seeming bliss, seated at the table receiving a shoulder and neck massage from Miranda, who stood behind him. A can of lager and some pieces of toast sat on the table in front of Lister, ignored. Rimmer stopped short, unsure whether to proceed further into the room or return to the cockpit. Neither of the others had seen him yet—they were too preoccupied with each other.

Rimmer felt sick. Miranda had only been on board for a little over a week, but already he felt that things had changed. _Don't be jealous,_ he told himself firmly. _Lister said I should trust him and that he wasn't interested in her. There's probably a perfectly rational explanation for why he's sitting there practically in her arms rather than in the cockpit with me where he should be._ Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to think of what that reason could possibly be.

Miranda leaned down and whispered something into Lister's ear, causing him to chuckle. That settled it—he had to get out of there, Rimmer thought. He turned around to make his escape, only to bump into Kryten.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir," Kryten said. "I thought you were heading in the opposite direction."

Lister opened his eyes and smiled at them. "Hey there, Rimmer. I hope you don't mind me bein' late for me shift—I got kind of sidetracked."

"So I see," Rimmer said stiffly.

"Remember how my shoulder was bothering me? Well, it feels great now, thanks to Miranda. She's awesome!" Lister turned to Miranda, who was busying herself with the kettle. "Thanks again for working on it—it really helped."

She smiled at Lister with that seductive and possessive smile that Rimmer was beginning to hate. "I'm glad to be able to earn my keep around here."

"Nonsense, Miss Miranda," Kryten interjected. "There's no need for you to feel obligated to do _any_ work around here." He was rather worried that she would want to take over his laundry and cooking duties, so he took every opportunity he could to remind her that she was a guest who should sit back and leave things alone. He retrieved the tea kettle from her. "Did you want some more tea, Mr. Rimmer, sir?"

Rimmer didn't respond. His thoughts were focused on trying to figure out what was going on with Lister. When they had woken up this morning, Lister had said he still felt tired, which was why Rimmer had encouraged him to sleep in a bit while he covered for him in the cockpit. But Lister didn't look tired at the moment. And he hadn't asked Rimmer to work on his shoulder—in fact, he had shrugged off Rimmer's offer, saying it wasn't all that stiff despite the cracking noise it had kept making during the night. _Does he prefer her touch to mine? I can see why he would—I'm probably too awkward and totally incompetent, just like I am at everything else I've ever tried to do._

"Mr. Rimmer?" Kryten asked again.

"Huh? What?" Rimmer came back to the present as the mention of his name finally registered.

"Tea?"

"Yes, please." He sat down at the table, opposite Miranda. "Speaking of work, just what did you do at that mining base?" he asked her. As far as he was concerned, she still hadn't satisfactorily explained the situation they had found at the deserted outpost, and now was as good a time as any to start some serious questioning.

"I was a secretary," she replied. "It was really rather boring, but the pay was good."

"Did your duties involve use of the log recorder?"

"No. Why would they?"

"So you wouldn't know how to erase entries in the log, then, right?" The crudely destroyed log recorder had been preying on Rimmer's mind.

"Yes. I mean, no." Miranda looked flustered. "I'm not sure I understand what you're asking, or why it matters. I was just a secretary—nobody important, really." She shuddered, pausing for a moment for effect as she sent a nonverbal plea to Lister to rescue her, knowing that he'd respond to the psychic nudge and the "woman in distress" pheromones with which she was deluging him. "Please, I—I don't want to think about the past and everything I've lost."

"What exactly...," began Rimmer.

"That's enough, Rimmer!" Lister interrupted him sharply. "Can't you see you're upsetting her? Just leave her be, you meddling oaf!"

Rimmer gaped at him, surprised at Lister's unexpectedly harsh reaction. Before he had a chance to pull himself together and respond to the attack, Cat entered the galley, yawning noisily.

"Hey, buds! I am in _desperate_ need of some coffee. I feel more tired than when I went to sleep last night. Oh, no—do I have bags under my eyes? That would be a disaster!" He fished out a mirror and anxiously examined his face.

Lister stood up, gesturing for Miranda to follow him. "C'mon, Miranda. I'll show you how to set up that AR game you wanted to play." The two of them walked away, leaving Rimmer sitting at the table wondering what he had done wrong.

* * *

Miranda watched Lister setting up the AR console with a feeling of satisfaction. Everything was going smoothly. He was a perfect source of energy for her in that he was both physically and psychically strong. He radiated an intense emotional aura, which was her preferred source of energy since she did not need to make physical contact in order to consume it. She hated touching men and being touched by them. They were takers, all of them—groping, grasping, gasping. Such disgusting beasts—and they thought _her_ original form was grotesque! Compared with them, a green blob was positively beautiful. But she had steeled herself to the necessity of touching Lister and Cat every now and then, since she could not maintain her form without the special qualities inherent in the life force. She might even do it more often, she thought. As she had just learned, touching Lister could serve several useful purposes: She could drain some physical energy from him, and it upset Rimmer, helping to generate a maelstrom of delectable emotional energy.

She listened as Lister finished his explanation of the AR controls. _Time to create some artificial reality of my own._ If she handled this right, she'd be able to shield herself from Rimmer's suspicious questions as well as sow seeds of dissension between Rimmer and Lister, thus killing two birds with one stone.

"Dave, could I talk to you about something?"

"Sure," he replied, a bit surprised at her serious tone. "What's up?"

"I don't know quite how to say this, but...I'm afraid of Rimmer."

"You what?" laughed Lister. "Rimmer's harmless, Miranda. He can be really annoying at times, I'll admit, but he's basically an OK guy."

"You haven't seen the way he looks at me when you're not there. And the other day, he grabbed me and tried to kiss me—it was horrible. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get away from him, he was so strong. The only thing that saved me was someone coming in our direction. Rimmer got nervous and ran away."

Lister had listened in growing astonishment and shock. Rimmer sexually attacking Miranda? It didn't make sense. Why would Rimmer betray their relationship? He knew the depth of Rimmer's feelings for him—or he thought he knew. Maybe Rimmer had only wanted him because he was the only person around with whom he could satisfy his sexual urges. Now that there was a woman on board, perhaps he felt Lister was redundant. Maybe he had wanted to prove his masculinity to himself by dominating Miranda. No, that was absurd. Rimmer had never seemed to be the aggressive type. But the running away bit _did_ sound like him...

"You said he was giving you funny looks. Did he ever stare at you and say there was something in your eye?"

"Yes," she lied. She couldn't quite figure out why Lister had asked the question, but it seemed important to him, so she fed him the answer she sensed would further her deception.

Damn! It was true, then. Rimmer was trying his old hypnosis routine on her, so he must want her.

"I'm afraid that he'll try again, and that if I keep rejecting him, he'll try to hurt me in some other way," Miranda said plaintively. "I mean, you saw how he was hounding me just now."

"Don't worry. I won't let him hurt you," Lister said grimly. _Though I might hurt_ him _for being such a lying bastard._

"I just don't know what to do," she sighed, gesturing helplessly.

"Leave it to me. I'll handle Rimmer. Just try not to be alone with him, OK? Stick near me or Kryten. He won't dare try anything around either of us. And let me know if anything else happens."

"OK," she agreed, her countenance brightening. "Thank you!" She overrode her instinctive disgust enough to give Lister a quick peck on the cheek, eliciting a slightly embarrassed grin in response. Perfect—this was even easier than she had thought.

* * *

Late that night, Cat startled from his sleep when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and met the deep brown eyes of the mysterious woman who had visited him last night. Grinning widely, he shifted in the bed to make room for the nocturnal visitor.

"I was hoping you'd come back," he said.

"How could I keep away from such a handsome guy, especially when he's the universe's greatest lover?" she replied in a husky voice as she joined him in the bed. Starlight gleamed dimly on her copper-colored hair as she leaned over and kissed him passionately, her tongue pushing demandingly into his mouth.

Cat responded enthusiastically. As he kissed her, he stroked the tawny breasts that dangled so delightfully over his bare chest. The nipples grew erect and he broke off the kiss to direct his mouth's attention to them. He could tell that this would be another wonderful night. Being tired in the morning would be a small price to pay for such exertions.

After their first round of lovemaking, his mind finally reminded him that he'd been meaning to ask his visitor to elaborate on some of the things she'd told him last night. "So, babe, why can't you stay here with me all the time? You have to admit, I'm a lot warmer and sexier than the stars."

"Yes, you are," she purred contentedly, her fingers making small circular caresses on his chest. "But I have no choice. I can only stay solid for a few hours at a time. I'm made up of starlight and must return to the stars or die."

"Well, can't I at least tell the other guys about how lucky I'm getting?"

"No! They wouldn't understand and would want to have me too. You don't want to share me, do you?"

The woman seemed alarmed, so Cat hurried to reassure her. "No. You're my very own secret star-babe."

She smiled and stroked his cock, and their second round got under way.

 

* * *

 

Miranda paused near the door to Cat's quarters, listening for any sounds. She could hear a raised voice in the distance, but all was silent nearby, so she slipped out into the corridor and retreated toward her own quarters. She felt energized and exultant. Men were so stupid! This one was so gullible that he believed her wild story about being a creature from the stars and never seemed to suspect who she really was.

Still, it would be easier if Cat didn't wake up whenever she tried to feed from his life force. Then she wouldn't have to go through the effort of changing shape to avoid being recognized and of using the power of suggestion to implant false memories of sexual encounters in his mind to cover the true purpose of her visits.

She wished she could have taken more energy from the Cat on this occasion. But she had to be careful not to drain her victims too much or too fast. That had been her downfall on the base—she had gotten overconfident and the men had become suspicious of the wasting sickness that seemed to be striking down everyone but her. This time she would make sure not to cause any alarm that might jeopardize her existence.

* * *

Rimmer sat down on his and Lister's bunk at the end of the day feeling thoroughly worn out and depressed. The day had seemed interminable, never improving from its inauspicious start. When Lister had finally shown up in the cockpit, he had been moody and tense. Rimmer's efforts to make conversation had been met with silence or terse replies that discouraged further attempts. Something was definitely wrong, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Surely Lister couldn't still be mad at him over asking Miranda a few questions at breakfast. But what else could it be?

Lister walked into the room, glanced at Rimmer, and moved over to the unused bunk without saying a word. He plumped up the pillows and began to turn down the blankets.

"Lister," Rimmer said in what he hoped was a totally nonthreatening, nonaccusatory tone, "What's wrong?"

Lister continued to ignore him.

"Please talk to me," Rimmer pleaded. "I can't fix whatever's wrong if you won't tell me what it is." He paused, waiting for a reply, but none came. "Is this about Miranda?" he asked after a moment.

"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock," sneered Lister.

"All I did was ask her a few questions," Rimmer protested mildly. "I don't see the harm in that. We need to know more about her."

"What d'you mean, 'we'? I'm perfectly comfortable with the way things are—it's _you_ who's trying to push her to do things she doesn't want to do."

"If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't mind answering my questions," Rimmer argued, assuming that Lister was still referring to the scene at breakfast. "For all we know, she could have killed everyone on that base. I'm just..."

"You're just harassing her because she's not interested in you," Lister said vehemently, drowning out Rimmer's attempted explanation. "She's a nice girl who's been through a lot. She doesn't need you to make her life even more miserable. Hell, if there's anyone on board this ship who's a mass murderer, it's you, Rimmer." His eyes snapped with anger as he glared at his erstwhile partner.

Rimmer sat perfectly still, shocked and deeply hurt by what Lister had just said. It had been years since Lister had blamed him for the accident. He had thought Lister understood how horrible he felt about it and had forgiven him. To have it thrown in his face now was totally unexpected and immensely painful.

Seeing the effect his words had on Rimmer, Lister felt guilty. Maybe he was overreacting and things could still be worked out between them.

Rimmer finally managed to find his voice. "I...I don't understand. I'm not interested in Miranda, except to find out what happened on that planet."

"Yeah, right! I've seen you watching her—you look like a cat about to pounce on a defenseless mouse."

"I'm only watching her because I don't trust her. Something about her just doesn't feel right. I don't think she's telling us the whole truth about herself."

"Oh, and you're such a connoisseur of the truth, _Admiral_ Rimmer."

Rimmer blushed, but didn't let his embarrassment distract him from the point he was trying to make. "I'm not talking about little things like what I told my mother my rank was—I'm talking about possible life and death matters!"

"Yeah, like a woman not liking you—as if that were anything new! That's no excuse for making up rumors about her."

"I already told you—"

"I don't wanna hear it, Rimmer," Lister said. "I'm dead tired and I wanna get some sleep." If he didn't stop now, he'd end up saying things to Rimmer that might have permanent consequences.

Rimmer looked at him sadly. "Are you planning to sleep over there?"

"Yeah. I just need to be by meself tonight. I'm too tired and stiff to share a bunk right now, OK?"

"OK," Rimmer agreed in a defeated, lost voice.

Lister climbed into the other bunk and turned to the wall, deliberately crushing the impulse he had to go comfort Rimmer. The guy didn't deserve his love. But his heart was torn and aching. Deep down, he knew he didn't want to lose Rimmer. As he drifted off to sleep, his optimistic nature came up with a comforting thought: Maybe Miranda was misinterpreting Rimmer's attention. Yeah, that would explain things. _But what about the hypnosis chat-up line?_ OK, that was a problem. But it didn't have to mean the end of the relationship. After all he and Rimmer had been through, surely he could forgive the man one brief lapse. _If it_ was _just a lapse..._ It was no use jumping to conclusions. He'd have to see for himself what exactly was going on between Rimmer and Miranda. He hoped for all their sakes that the whole thing was a simple misunderstanding.


	3. Chapter 3

Rimmer sat in the cockpit staring fixedly at his console's instruments. He knew that if he looked up, he'd see Miranda standing behind Lister's chair with her hand resting possessively on his shoulder. That was one sight he could definitely do without. A few days had passed since he and Lister had argued. Although they had nominally patched things up, Rimmer felt there was still an emotional distance between him, which grieved him. What was worse, Lister still had not returned to their shared bunk, insisting that his shoulder was too sore for him to feel comfortable in the relatively narrow bed. Lister had denied the existence of any change in their relationship, however, putting down any lack of warmth on his part to exhaustion. It was true that Lister seemed tired all the time, which worried Rimmer and had him joining with Kryten in fussing over Lister's health, but that didn't seem an adequate explanation.

No, it was all too clear to Rimmer that despite Lister's various excuses, the real reason for his continued exile from Lister's bed was standing a few feet in front of him, fondling Lister's neck. Her presence in the cockpit was grating—she didn't belong there. It was as if someone had digitally inserted a centerfold model into a painting by one of the Old Masters.

"You really should go into the midsection, Miranda," he finally said, making an effort to sound friendly. "If we get caught up in this asteroid storm, things could get pretty hairy in here. You'd be safer further back in the ship."

Kryten had picked up a large asteroid storm on the long-range scanners, and they were on high alert in case their attempt to navigate around it failed.

"Rimmer's right," Lister said, annoyed at himself for not having thought of her possible danger. "You should sit this out in the galley or the sleeping quarters."

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly leave. I'd go absolutely crazy by myself, not knowing what's going on. Please let me stay." She squeezed Lister's shoulder lightly, running her index finger up the side of his neck and behind his ear in a subtle caress while releasing seductive pheromones. She smiled to herself as she felt the waves of emotional energy emanating from Lister and Rimmer—the former concerned for her well-being but reluctant to lose the guilty pleasure of her sensual touches, the latter angry at her presence and hurting from Lister's acceptance of her caresses. The energy washed over her and she drank it in greedily.

"Well, OK—for now," conceded Lister. "But if things get rough, you should take cover. Rimmer would recommend under the scanner table or behind a boiler, I think. Right, Rimmer?"

Cat snickered. "If there's enough room left after goalpost-head claims his spot, you mean."

Kryten interrupted their teasing. "It looks like the storm is widening to cover this sector as well, sirs. We won't be able to completely bypass it."

"Find us a course that takes us through the thinnest part of the storm," Lister ordered, his attention immediately back to the business at hand.

"Our best bet is 320 by 45," Rimmer reported. "But we'll still run into some asteroids within the next ten minutes."

"You heard him, Cat. Bring her around, and keep your nose peeled for incoming asteroids."

The next few minutes passed in tense silence, punctuated only by terse situation updates and course corrections. Cat suddenly stiffened. "I'm picking up something," he said. "Actually, a lot of somethings—and they're headed right at us."

"Shields up!" Lister announced. "Brace yourselves."

A moment later, a small asteroid streaked by _Starbug_ on the starboard side, narrowly missing it. This lone asteroid was only the precursor. Within seconds, the cockpit window filled with a huge dust cloud, out of which hurtled a multitude of asteroids, ranging from pebble-like fragments to planetoid-sized monsters.

"Smeg!" Lister cursed as he took in the magnitude of the storm.

"The belt is relatively thin at this point, sirs," Kryten said. "Try to keep on a heading of 335 by 50 to get through it the fastest."

"I'm trying!" yelled Cat, frantically wrestling with the controls as _Starbug_ jumped and shuddered under the impact of the asteroids. "These flying boulders aren't helping much!"

"Shields are weakening," Lister announced. "Diverting power to them." The drain on the shield's energy from the constant bombardment of dust and rock was worrisome. If they didn't reach clear space soon, they'd lose their protection.

"Look out!" Rimmer yelled as a particularly large asteroid suddenly appeared dead ahead of them.

Cat searched desperately for a way around the obstacle. The asteroid was too big to try to sidestep—the only option was to dive and hope for the best. He pushed down hard on the yoke, and _Starbug_ pitched down abruptly, like a rollercoaster car cresting the top of the first, steepest hill. Its occupants grabbed wildly for handholds, and Miranda was thrown against the panel housing the cockpit electrical system.

Too late, Cat sensed another asteroid approaching from below and to one side. He twisted the controls to make a hard turn to port, but _Starbug_'s reaction time was no match for the asteroid's momentum. The giant rock slammed into _Starbug_'s starboard midsection, screeching along the hull as the craft continued to turn away from it.

The shields crackled with energy as they tried to absorb the impact. Sparks flew from the cockpit's consoles as a high-voltage spike of electricity passed through the overstressed control systems. The lights throughout _Starbug_ flickered and popped alarmingly.

Hanging on to his console to avoid being shaken out of his seat, Rimmer looked up frantically to see if Lister was all right. Just as the voltage spike hit its peak, he saw Miranda shimmer and disappear briefly, only to be replaced with a tentacled greenish shape. Another shimmer, and Miranda reappeared. He blinked, confused and unsure whether he'd really seen what he thought he had. It had happened so quickly—yet why would he hallucinate something like that?

Miranda turned around and met Rimmer's shocked gaze. Her face hardened into a scowl, and suddenly he was sure that he hadn't been hallucinating. His attention was drawn back to his duties as Lister yelled for him to grab a fire extinguisher. The lights went out altogether then, and Rimmer struggled in the smoky blackness to put out the flames spurting from various instrument panels.

"We're just about through!" Cat said. "Hang on!"

_Starbug_ bucked and swerved sickeningly, and then leveled out smoothly. The familiar star fields were once again visible through the cockpit window.

"We made it," Lister sighed in relief. "Is everyone all right?"

A chorus of affirmative replies indicated that the crew were all safe. The emergency lights flickered on, revealing that _Starbug_ was in somewhat worse shape. Many of the cockpit consoles were charred and smoldering, and alarm lights flashed ominously.

"Damage report, Cat?"

"The main electrical system is fried, shields are gone, and the starboard hull is badly dented. Some primary navigational controls have blown, but the backups are working."

Lister grimaced. They had a lot of work ahead of them to repair the _Bug_. "All right. Cat, you and Kryten start in on the cockpit systems; me and Rimmer will go work on the shields." He rose from his seat and headed for the rear of the cockpit, smiling at Miranda and pausing briefly as he passed by her. "This is gonna take awhile, I'm afraid," he said to her, "but don't worry—we'll be fine. None of the damage is critical."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked, forcing herself to lay her hand on his arm as she schooled her expression into one of selfless concern.

"Nah, not really. Just relax and chill out." Lister continued on his way, waving to Rimmer to follow him. "C'mon, Rimmer—let's get moving."

* * *

In the bowels of the ship, Lister and Rimmer pried up access panels and began assessing and repairing the damage. They worked in silence for a while, each lost in his own thoughts.

Miranda's brilliant blue eyes and thrilling caresses burnt brightly in Lister's memory, although he tried to banish her from his thoughts. _I shouldn't be attracted to her,_ he told himself. _I've already found me true love._ He glanced over at Rimmer, who seemed troubled and nervous. _But suppose he doesn't really care for me—suppose he's stalking Miranda... then I'd be pretty stupid to pass up such a beautiful woman for a liar who's only with me cause no one else will have him._ A part of his mind protested that he wasn't being fair to Rimmer, but the protest was weaker than it would have been a month ago.

For his part, Rimmer was wrestling with the possible implications of the transformation he had recently witnessed. If Miranda was a pleasure GELF, how come she wasn't appearing to each of them in a different form, like Camille had? And why was she hiding her true nature? He couldn't think of any explanations. After some internal debate, he decided he needed to tell Lister about what he had seen. Maybe together they could come up with some answers.

"Listy," he said hesitantly. "Something rather odd happened during that asteroid storm."

"Yeah, I know—we actually survived," Lister said nonchalantly.

"No—something odder than that. Miranda... changed shape. For just a moment, she turned into a large green blob. She's a pleasure GELF, Lister. She's not human."

On a catwalk above where the men were working, Miranda listened angrily as her secret was revealed. She had sensed that Rimmer had discovered something during the storm, but hadn't been aware that the illusion of her form had slipped. Damn it all! Now they'd be expecting her to put out for them and to forsake her hard-won individuality for their pleasure. She'd rather die—or kill—than go back to that way of life. _But maybe I won't have to do either,_ she thought, as she continued to listen. _At least, not personally._

"Get outta town, Rimmer. There's no way she's a GELF. Either your eyes are playing tricks on you or you're making up stories again."

"It's not a story," insisted Rimmer.

"Did anyone else see this miraculous transformation?" Lister inquired skeptically, his voice dripping with irony. "Or was it conveniently just you?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask Kryten if he saw it, and Cat was too busy to have been looking around. But I saw it. Isn't that enough?" Lister's apparent lack of trust galled Rimmer.

"You've had it in for her since we met her. Why can't you just leave her alone, or—here's a concept!—be _nice_ to her? Besides, last I looked, it wasn't a crime to be a GELF."

"She lied to us about what she is, Lister. Who knows what else she's lied about?"

Lister threw a spanner back into his toolbox with uncharacteristic violence, unaware that his own anger was being supplemented and manipulated by Miranda's projected emotions. "Smeggin' hell! We don't have time to talk about this right now, Rimmer! We've got to get the shields working as soon as possible. We're sitting ducks without them. Why don't you do something useful for a change and go get some flowmeters so I can check these connections?"

"We have to..."

"Go!" Lister yelled impatiently. "We'll talk later."

Reluctantly, Rimmer obeyed. Miranda followed him, invisible in the shadows. By the time he disappeared into a small storeroom, she had formulated her plan.

Rimmer looked up from the toolbox he was rummaging through as he heard someone enter the room. His hope that it was Lister, come to apologize and talk, died as he saw Miranda standing there.

"What do you want?" he asked gruffly.

"I want you to accept me as a fellow crew member," she said, her voice slightly plaintive, like that of a small child who has been chastised without cause.

"You're a pleasure GELF, aren't you?" he asked bluntly.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell us? Why all the pretense?"

"Because I didn't want to be treated like an object." Tears welled up in her eyes, which projected sincerity and pain. "Surely you of all people can understand that, being a hologram." She sniffled slightly and blinked her eyes a few times as if to dispel the tears.

Rimmer felt a stab of unwanted empathy. He _did_ know what it was like when people assumed that technically nonhuman life forms lacked human emotions. Maybe he hadn't been fair to her...

Her eyes were blinking rapidly now. "Damn," she swore under her breath. "I've got an eyelash or something in my eye." She rubbed at her left eye ineffectually, then looked up at Rimmer with bleary eyes. "I don't think I got it—my eye feels all scratched. Can you look and try to get whatever it is out?"

Rimmer rolled his eyes in irritation. What he really wanted to do was get the tools he needed and get back to Lister. But then he seemed to hear Lister's voice in his mind: "Can't you be nice to her?" Maybe if he did what Lister wanted, their relationship could get all the way back on track.

"All right," he agreed with ill grace. "Let me see."

Miranda backed up a step so she was leaning against the wall, then tilted her face up toward Rimmer.

"Can you open it a bit wider?" he asked, peering intently at the orb.

"Not really¬—it hurts when I try." She blinked and squeezed the eye shut, as if in pain.

Rimmer placed one hand against her cheek to keep her from moving her head as he tried to gently pry open the scrunched-up eyelids with his other hand so he could get at the offending object. Suddenly, he felt himself being jerked backward and flung up against the wall of the storeroom. If he had had lungs, the breath would have been knocked out of him. As it was, he felt stunned from the impact. Before he could gather his thoughts or say anything, Lister's forearm was pressed against his throat, pinning him to the wall. He gasped and tried to speak, unsuccessfully.

Lister glared at him, absolute fury in his eyes. "Keep your hands off her, you pervert!"

Rimmer's eyes widened in shock. He shook his head desperately and again tried to speak. He _had_ to let Lister know he was misinterpreting things. But he never got a chance to explain. Lister, goaded into an irrational state by Miranda's masterful manipulations of his subconscious mind, slammed Rimmer's head against the steel hull until he saw the hologram's eyes turn up into his head. Letting Rimmer fall to the floor, he turned to Miranda, who was huddled in a corner of the room, shaking, her arms tightly wrapped around herself.

"Are you OK?"

She rose and flung herself into Lister's arms, hugging him fiercely. "Thank god you're here. He wouldn't stop... and I couldn't get away. He said... he said he wouldn't let me go until he'd had me. Oh, Dave—if you hadn't showed up..." She broke down, crying hysterically.

"Calm down. It'll be OK. I've got you," he soothed, rocking her in his arms. "It's all over now." _In more ways than one,_ he added to himself as he directed a hate-filled glance at the unconscious Rimmer.

* * *

Rimmer groaned as he regained consciousness. He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, then hastily struggled to his feet as he recalled what had just happened. He had to find Lister right away and straighten things out. As he strode toward the door, he glanced at his watch to see how long he'd been out. The emergency lighting was too dim to enable him to read its face, however. He looked up again just in time to walk face-first into the closed bulkhead door.

"Ouch!" he yelled, jumping back. "What the hell...?"

He examined the wall near the door. It was as he had thought: there were no controls on this side of the door. He was locked in.

_Lister...It had to have been Lister._

Rimmer leaned against the wall, shaking his head in stunned disbelief. First Lister had attacked him with a fury that would have killed him had he been human, and now he had imprisoned him. It didn't make sense. The Lister he knew wasn't like this—he was a peacemaker, not a killer. But maybe he had fallen so deeply in love with Miranda that he wasn't thinking straight any more. Or maybe...

His thoughts were interrupted by the grating sound of the door sliding open. A blanket and pillow were tossed in and then the door clanged shut again. "Lister!" Rimmer yelled, running to the door and peering out the small porthole in it. "Wait!"

Lister turned around and walked back to the door, stopping just opposite Rimmer. His face was closed and distant as he stood silently in the corridor, arms folded across his chest, foot tapping impatiently, waiting for Rimmer to speak.

"Lister, I wasn't kissing her, if that's what you think," Rimmer blurted after running through several possible things to say and discarding all of them as inadequate.

"I have eyes, you know," Lister replied flatly.

"She asked me to get something out of her eye—that's all I was doing. I swear!"

"Don't lie to me, Rimmer. You're no good at it." He hadn't wanted to believe that Rimmer was trying to cheat on him, but that scene in the storeroom had finally convinced him. Rimmer had been leaning over Miranda, trapping her against the wall. His hands had been pawing all over her face. If he hadn't walked in just then, who knows what Rimmer might have tried to do? And then to come up with such a pathetic excuse to try to cover things up! He knew from Miranda that she had done nothing to provoke Rimmer.

"I'm not lying!" Rimmer said desperately. "I love you—I don't want anyone else!"

Lister snorted. "Love! You don't even know the meaning of the word."

"Listy..." Rimmer didn't know what to say. It was true he had never known love before meeting Lister, but that didn't mean he wasn't capable of it.

"No! I don't want to hear any more of your lies! This conversation is finished—and so are we. "

"But...but...you can't just leave me locked in here!" Rimmer protested, focusing on the least important matter because he couldn't face the finality of the words he had just heard.

"Kryten'll let you out tomorrow morning, once Miranda's recovered from her shock. But I swear, if you lay even one finger on her again, I'll lock you away forever—or worse." Lister turned on his heels and stormed down the corridor, his blood still boiling with fury.

Rimmer slumped to the floor, overcome with despair. _This has to be a nightmare,_ he thought. _I'll wake up any minute now and Lister will be snoring in my ear like usual._ But he knew, deep down, that although it was a nightmare, it wasn't a dream. His world really had just totally fallen apart. He buried his face in his hands and wept.


	4. Chapter 4

Kryten carefully measured out some of his precious supply of spices as he attempted to prepare a culinary masterpiece that would be welcomed with joy and devoured with delight. Unfortunately, he had the nagging feeling that no matter how magnificent a meal he managed to create, it would do no good. Something was wrong on board _Starbug_, and it would take more than good food to fix it.

He sighed, worried about his charges. Mr. Lister and Mr. Cat seemed haggard and listless lately, and neither was eating much, which was definitely unlike them. He had surreptitiously assessed Lister's temperature after he had failed to show any enthusiasm for the triple-strength prawn curry he had prepared specifically to tempt him, but there was no sign of a physical illness. His suggestion to both Lister and the Cat to allow him to run a medical diagnostic on them had been laughed off as being overly mother-hennish. He wished Mr. Lister in particular would listen to his advice—he could see him growing thinner day by day.

Mr. Rimmer never even bothered to show up for meals, but at least he was in no danger of harming his health by fasting. Far more alarming was the fact that in the two weeks since the asteroid storm, he had rarely left his quarters or spoken a word to anyone except when necessary in the course of his cockpit duties. Kryten supposed the hologram's mood had something to do with the incident in which Lister had locked him in a storeroom overnight, but neither man had enlightened him further about that odd occurrence. When Kryten tried to talk to Mr. Lister about Mr. Rimmer's malaise, the former merely snarled that he wasn't interested in anything that had to do with "that back-stabbing Judas."

Only Miss Miranda seemed to be thriving and happy. She was constantly at Lister's side, which Kryten found rather off-putting. Next thing you knew, she'd be insisting that Mr. Lister didn't need his old friends and that she should be his sole caretaker. He shook his head sharply to dispel the disturbing images of a married Lister. It didn't do to invite trouble. Besides, there was still a chance Mr. Lister would go back to his old ways. His behavioral changes were all probably just part and parcel of whatever was causing him to lose his appetite.

* * *

Rimmer slipped into his seat in the cockpit unnoticed. Kryten was aft doing the dishes, and Cat and Lister were deep in conversation about their favorite cartoon characters. At least Miranda wasn't hovering nearby—a rare break from the near-constant agony he had had to endure of watching her and Lister together. They didn't even try to be subtle about their relationship; in fact, he would have sworn that Miranda delighted in rubbing his nose in it. Within a week of having dumped him, Lister had moved in with Miranda, as if purposely negating their relationship and forestalling all attempts to renew it.

Data flashed across Rimmer's instruments, but he stared at them with unseeing eyes. He didn't know why he bothered to show up for his shifts. It wasn't as if he were wanted or needed here. In fact, he doubted any one would notice if he simply turned himself off and disappeared for good. The thought had crossed his mind more than once in the past few weeks during his sleepless vigils in the lonely hours of the night, and it held a seductive appeal. It was one way to end the pain that had been a constant companion throughout his life and that had reappeared in full force after Lister had abandoned him. However, some stubborn part of him wouldn't allow himself to surrender to that siren call. Lister might not want him, but he might still need him one day, if Rimmer's fears regarding Miranda were valid. For that reason alone, he had to hold on.

A fragment of Cat's conversation penetrated Rimmer's consciousness: "...Wilma doesn't hold a candle to my star-babe." The nonsensical statement caught his attention, desperate as he was for something to divert his mind from his dark thoughts.

"No way! Wilma rocks!" Lister protested.

"I agree—but Star-Babe takes first place in my heart nowadays. I wish you could see her and you'd understand why!"

"What, we don't have the vid on board?"

"She's not a cartoon—she's real, monkey boy. Weren't you listening just now?" Cat hissed indignantly.

"Oh yeah, right," laughed Lister. "A woman made up of starlight who 'beams in' and visits you during the night. She's a real 'dream woman' all right—the fantasy kind!"

"You're just jealous 'cause she doesn't visit you," Cat said.

"Trust me, I don't _need_ any other woman dropping by during the night," Lister said conspiratorially.

Rimmer winced. Luckily, Kryten entered the cockpit at that point, which put an end to that particular conversation.

The odd conversation stuck in Rimmer's mind, though. Later that day, he managed to get the entire story from Cat. It was a bizarre tale, but somehow he doubted that Cat had made it up. They did have a pleasure GELF on board, after all, and Cat's mysterious girlfriend had shown up shortly after they had rescued Miranda. But the Cat had made it perfectly clear when he first met Miranda that he was available and interested in her, so why would she have felt the need for such an elaborate ruse in order to have sex with him? Of course, she could have been responding to Cat's innermost desires... Rimmer mentally dismissed that possibility. Somehow he didn't think Cat desired a sexual partner who kept leaving him and who wasn't as flamboyantly open as he was. No, something else had to be going on. What it was, he couldn't figure out right now. He needed more information—and he knew how to get it.

* * *

Early the next morning, Rimmer sat in the unwanted privacy of his solitary quarters and began reviewing the surveillance footage he had recorded the previous night. _Starbug_, unlike its parent vessel, did not possess a black-box video recording system of the crew areas, so Rimmer had had to improvise. With Cat's permission, he had rigged ultraviolet cameras in the Cat's sleeping quarters and the corridor leading to it. It had been easy persuading the Cat to agree to the scheme—he was flattered that Rimmer wanted to see his otherworldly lover, and had assured Rimmer that he'd learn a thing or two from watching a master at work.

Rimmer fast-forwarded the recording from the corridor camera until a blurred shape caught his eye. Switching to normal playback, he noted without surprise that the shape was Miranda. On the tape, she paused outside Cat's door, glancing up and down the corridor and seeming to listen intently. A shimmery blur obscured her body for a moment, and then disappeared to reveal a woman with café-au-lait skin and long, copper-colored hair, dressed in a diaphanous white negligee. The new incarnation of Miranda then slipped into Cat's room. The timestamp indicated it was 3:34 in the morning.

Turning to the recording taken within Cat's room, Rimmer rapidly skipped to the relevant time. He hoped he was right that something other than physical coupling had been going on, since he really had no desire to watch Miranda having sex—the very thought of that sickened him because of her connection with Lister. But he had to know, one way or the other, so he prepared himself mentally and hit the playback button.

A few moments later, he put down the recording equipment and began trying to unravel the puzzle that was Miranda. As he had suspected—and much to his relief—no wild sex was taking place between Miranda and the Cat. Instead, she had merely laid a hand on his shoulder, which had woken him, and had then curled up next to him on the bed, keeping a small distance between them except for the one hand on his shoulder. It looked as if she were murmuring in his ear, but her voice was too low to make out the words. The Cat had quickly fallen into a seemingly deep sleep. After about ten minutes, she got up and departed, leaving the Cat still sleeping.

Rimmer reviewed all his encounters with Miranda. The recurring image in his mind was her hand possessively resting on Lister's shoulder, just as it had been with Cat in the recording. _That woman is like a remora fish or a damn leech,_ he thought. _Permanently attached to her conquests even when they're asleep._ The analogy cast a new light on the various pieces of his puzzle, and his mind raced to complete the pattern. _No, not a leech—but some kind of parasite nonetheless. Something more than a harmless pleasure GELF._ A vampire, maybe? Not the traditional blood-sucking kind, obviously, but something new and different. An energy vampire, perhaps? He had seen her change forms under the influence of a voltage spike. But if she needed electricity, why not just tap into _Starbug_'s systems and drain all she wanted? Why attach herself to the human (or humanoid) members of the crew?

He snapped his fingers as an idea came to him: _She must be draining Lister and Cat!_ It wasn't electricity she needed, but some form of physical energy. That would explain why those two were so run down lately. Rimmer mentally checked the timelines of events and found that they fit: Lister and Cat had started to complain of being tired shortly after Miranda had come on board. Suddenly Rimmer's stomach clenched with fear. _How long could she keep taking from them before she killed them?_ The deserted mining base and burnt log recorder haunted him. If he didn't do something soon, _Starbug_ might end up similarly devoid of human life. _I've got to warn Lister—now!_

* * *

Kryten put down the laundry he had been folding and focused all his attention on Rimmer, who had just finished a long, involved story concerning the danger that Miranda represented. On the face of it, the accusations were absurd, but Kryten had seen too many bizarre things in the universe to dismiss them totally.

"Have you talked to Mr. Lister about your concerns regarding Miss Miranda?" he asked.

"I tried," replied Rimmer glumly. "He wouldn't listen to a word I said. I tried to get him to watch the recordings I made of her and Cat, but he said that anyone could edit images to make them show anything they wanted." Rimmer didn't mention that Lister had been scathing in his denunciation of Rimmer as a jealous sexual deviant who was incapable of telling the truth.

"What about Mr. Cat?"

"I doubt he'd believe me either. I'm not high on his list of people he respects. In fact, I'm not on that list at all. You're the only one who might be able to talk to either of them."

"I could try, but if what you say is true, Miranda may be able to influence their minds so that they won't listen to anyone but her." Kryten shuddered as he remembered a recent nightmare he had had of being exiled on a moon by Miranda and Lister so that they could settle down alone in domestic bliss on _Starbug_. That nightmare haunted him, making him more open to accepting Rimmer's explanation of events than he would have been had he been operating purely on logic.

"I think she may already be doing that," Rimmer said darkly, thinking of his many failed attempts to talk to Lister after the asteroid storm. "We'll have to demonstrate her true nature to them, then—they can't dismiss the evidence of their own eyes."

"How can we provide such a demonstration, sir?" asked Kryten.

"We need to somehow reproduce the situation during the storm that caused her true form to be revealed. I'm not sure if it was the voltage overload or the dust in the atmosphere, or a combination of both, but for a moment there she became a blob, and she was furious about it. If Lister and Cat saw that, maybe they'd be a little less willing to believe the rest of her lies."

Kryten was silent as he considered the proposal.

"Well?" Rimmer prompted. "Is it possible?"

"Yes, I think so," Kryten replied. "I could rig up a machine that would re-create the conditions under which you saw the transformation occur."

"How long would that take?"

"A week or more if I built it from scratch as a stand-alone unit, which is the safest way to proceed."

"And if we used existing systems...?" Rimmer queried, impatient at the thought of any delay.

"I could probably have something ready by, say, tomorrow night. I'd need some time to check various schematics on the computer. The difficult part will be shielding the rest of the ship's systems from the voltage surge. We wouldn't want to damage anything vital, after all. But I think I could minimize the risk to practically zero."

"Will you do it?" asked Rimmer.

"I probably shouldn't," Kryten began, and Rimmer's face fell. "But I'm worried about Mr. Lister, and if there's any chance this might help him, then it's worth doing."

Rimmer sighed with relief. "Thank you, Kryten," he said with heart-felt gratitude. At last, there was a ray of hope.

* * *

Miranda lay next to Lister in the bunk, trying to ignore his inane chatter. She wished he'd shut up so she could concentrate. A threat had arisen, and she needed to be prepared to deal with it. Her preoccupation must have become evident at last, for Lister stopped talking and looked at her with concern.

"Is something the matter?" he asked.

"No—just a headache," she answered, glad that this excuse would also serve to keep him from slobbering all over her. Then an idea occurred to her, and she smiled to herself. It wouldn't hurt to start laying the groundwork now for getting rid of those troublesome and useless electronic life forms altogether. "I think it's from worrying so much about the possibility of Rimmer taking revenge on me for rejecting him."

"Well you can stop worrying," Lister said firmly. "He doesn't have the balls to try anything. He knows I'd rip his head off."

"I hope you're right," she said. "He scares me. I think he's trying to poison Kryten against me as well."

Lister snorted. "Kryten isn't stupid enough to believe any smeg that Rimmer might tell him. He knows him too well. So just forget all your worries and relax. Get a good night's sleep—you'll feel better in the morning. OK?"

"OK," she said, turning over as if to go to sleep. But she had no intention of sleeping that night—there were many things she needed to do.

* * *

"Is everything ready?" Rimmer asked anxiously the next evening, waylaying Kryten in the galley.

"Yes, sir. I've rigged the scanner table to produce a high-voltage surge, and adjusted the lights in the midsection so that they will automatically shift their spectra in synchronization with the surge. That should replicate the conditions of the asteroid storm."

"It will be safe to sit at the table, though, right?" Rimmer didn't want anyone getting hurt during the experiment.

"Yes. I've added extra insulating material so that there's no possibility of accidental electrocution. The most anyone should feel is a tingling sensation or a mild shock."

"Good. I'll signal you when to throw the switch. Now all we have to do is make sure everyone shows up for the meeting."

"Mr. Lister already indicated to me that he and Miss Miranda planned to attend," Kryten said.

"Marvelous," Rimmer said in what he meant to be a confident tone but which fell woefully short of its goal. "Let's hope it's a real eye-opener for him."

* * *

Later that night, the crew sat around the scanner table as Kryten opened the meeting with a status report on the search for _Red Dwarf_.

Rimmer's nerves were stretched to the breaking point. His foot jiggled as he tried to hide his nervousness. His report was next—his best chance to make Lister see that he was being deceived and used.

At last Kryten turned the floor over to him. He stood up and cleared his throat nervously. "As you know, not too long ago we responded to a distress signal from a mining outpost. Unfortunately, we were much too late to be of any use to whoever originally activated the signal, but we did discover one inhabitant who was still alive. Against my recommendation, this being was transported to _Starbug_ and revived."

Lister frowned. "This is old news, Rimmer. Get to your point, if you have one."

"Not long after her revival, two of us—Lister and the Cat—began experiencing episodes of exhaustion. I believe the two events are linked, and that the woman who calls herself Miranda is actually a mutant GELF of some sort who sucks energy from her victims much as a vampire sucks blood."

Lister rose, irritated. "Now I've heard everything. Listen, Rimmer—"

"I can prove she's not what she claims," Rimmer said loudly, signaling to Kryten to throw the switch. "Look at her!"

Everyone's eyes turned to Miranda, who managed to look totally bewildered despite having been well aware of Rimmer and Kryten's plans. The lights throughout the ship began to flicker and pop, and the light in the room shifted toward the red spectrum.

Rimmer suddenly screamed as he felt an agonizing pain in his chest. He writhed as what felt like jolts of electricity streamed through him, burning him from the inside out. "Turn it off!" he yelled frantically to Kryten as he fell to his knees, clutching his chest. "Turn...it..."

Kryten hurried to obey, but it was too late. Thousands of cracks appeared over Rimmer's image as it flared brightly and began to break up. The last thing Rimmer saw before his consciousness was obliterated was Miranda's triumphant smile as she put her arm around Lister's waist to claim him as her own. The sudden silence that followed the cessation of Rimmer's screams was broken only by the sound of a light bee hitting the floor.

* * *

Kryten led the crew to the area of _Starbug_'s engine rooms that housed the hologramatic projection unit. "Oh, no," he whispered as he rounded the last corner and saw the damage. The projection unit was a smoldering lump of misshapen, melted metal. "What have I done?" He must have misread the schematics somehow, or not shielded the projection systems adequately. Whatever his mistake had been, it had been fatal. There was no way Mr. Rimmer's personality disk could have survived the powerful voltage overload and resulting fire.

Lister gazed at the smoking remains with apathetic eyes. He knew he should feel _something_, but his mind and heart weren't cooperating. All he felt was a cold numbness.

"Let's go back to our room, Dave," Miranda said to him with feigned concern. "There's nothing we can do here."

Feeling as if he were watching his body go through its motions from a point far outside himself, Lister turned and silently allowed her to lead him from the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Kryten sat at the navi-comp mechanically searching for a planet that matched his input criteria. It wasn't a task he would have chosen to do, since it promised to hasten the day of his separation from Lister, but he couldn't break his habit of obedience and loyalty to his beloved master no matter how irrationally the latter was behaving.

Since Rimmer's death, Lister had been subdued and distant, showing little interest in anything. Even Miranda seemed to be having problems capturing his attention, Kryten had noticed. He preferred to sit staring into space, and complained of extreme exhaustion if anyone tried to rouse him. Her suggested solution to this was a change of scene, to which Lister had agreed without any real enthusiasm. Miranda's plan was that she and Lister would find a habitable planet and settle down there, taking _Starbug_ with them as a resource (although she secretly planned to disable it so that she controlled all means of leaving the planet). Cat would be allowed to join them, but not Kryten.

Somehow she had managed to persuade Lister that Kryten and Rimmer had been trying to kill her during that ill-fated crew meeting. The only way she would be safe in the future, she had declared, would be to turn Kryten off. Lister's inherent decency had rebelled at that suggestion, and she had had to settle for the compromise of stranding Kryten somewhere other than where they chose to live. The task of finding a suitable inhabitable planet for the others had been delegated to Kryten.

Kryten was troubled and uncertain what to do. Although the scheme that was supposed to reveal Miranda's true form had been an inconclusive failure, he was becoming more and more convinced that Mr. Rimmer's fears concerning her were justified. There did seem to be something sinister about Lister's condition and Miranda's blithe acceptance of it. If she really was a predator, how could he let her carry out her plan to sequester herself with Mr. Lister and the Cat? Yet the last time he had tried to act on his misgivings about her, look what had happened: He had managed to kill Mr. Rimmer. That guilt, and the lack of concrete evidence regarding Miranda's intentions, paralyzed Kryten and kept him from challenging the status quo.

* * *

Lister woke suddenly, unsure of what it was that had pulled him from sleep. All was quiet and dark—nothing seemed to be amiss. _Except that me best mate's dead,_ he thought, closing his eyes and attempting to return to sleep. A second later, his eyes shot open again as the full emotional impact of what he had just thought hit him. _My god, Rimmer's gone forever!_ Grief threatened to overwhelm him as he relived the horror of Rimmer's last moments. He welcomed the pain, however—it was the first real emotion he had felt for quite some time, and it let him know that he was still alive.

The cotton wool in which his brain and heart had been wrapped for the past two weeks seemed to have disappeared, and the world was no longer muffled and distant. Oddly enough, this new-found clarity was accompanied by a change in emotions regarding Rimmer. Whereas before he had felt that Rimmer had deserved death for betraying him and trying to kill Miranda, now he felt bitter anguish. He shook his head, confused. What the hell was going on? Emotions didn't just flip-flop like this—not about something so important!

He groped for Miranda, wanting to hang on to something solid and real, but she wasn't there. Lister sat up, calling for the lights. The clock indicated that it was 4 a.m. A quick search of the quarters failed to reveal her presence. Unbidden, Rimmer's accusations regarding her filled his mind. Was she with Cat? Was it because she wasn't in the room that he was able to feel grief for Rimmer instead of hatred? Or was he just so tired that he couldn't think straight any more?

Determined to find the answers to his questions, Lister set out for Cat's quarters to see for himself if she were there. Before he could reach them, however, he bumped into Miranda in the corridor.

"Dave!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," he said tightly.

"I was having trouble sleeping, so I went to the galley to drink some hot cocoa," she replied. Sensing his doubt, she brought her psychic powers to bear on his subconscious as she continued talking. "Should I go make some for you, too? You look like you need some comfort food."

"No, I'm fine," he said. "Just tired, and lonely without you."

She smiled as she felt him fall back under her sway. "Let's go back to bed, then, shall we? It's too early in the morning to be awake." Lister nodded and returned with her to their bed, thinking of nothing else but how wonderful it was to sleep with her at his side.

* * *

The next night, Lister woke around 3:30. He rolled over and quickly ascertained that Miranda was gone. Perfect! This time he had no intention of going to look for her. He had made an effort during the day to get some time alone, far from Miranda. It had been difficult, especially since he had to fight the tiredness that pulled at both his body and his brain, but he had managed to escape to the depths of the cargo decks without being noticed and followed. Once there, he had sat and let his mind drift, attempting to figure out what he really felt about Miranda and all that had happened lately. It had been like removing obscuring veils from his sight. He began to believe that Rimmer had been right about her all along. Still, he wanted more proof—after all, his feelings had been off kilter for a while. He no longer trusted them or himself.

Lister swung his legs onto the floor and stood up, swaying a little from lack of energy. As quickly and as silently as possible, he headed for his old quarters, the ones he had shared with Rimmer. He reached them without being seen and let himself in. The pang of grief he experienced when he turned on the lights and saw all of Rimmer's things made it difficult to continue. He didn't have much time before Miranda would return to their quarters, though, so he forced himself to concentrate on his mission and ignore his emotions. There would be time to grieve later. For now, he needed to find that recording Rimmer had tried to show him.

Knowing Rimmer so well, he knew all his "secret" hiding places. He grinned to himself as one of them yielded a computer slug that no doubt contained the files he was looking for. He put it in his pocket and headed back to his and Miranda's quarters. He'd watch the recording at the first opportunity he had.

* * *

"I've discovered an inhabitable S3 planet, Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten announced two days later, looking up from the navi-comp. The search had taken a while, mostly because Kryten abandoned it at every opportunity for other tasks that he could reasonably justify to himself as being more important. However, he couldn't put off the inevitable for ever. His heart sank as he made his announcement.

"Brutal!" Lister said with genuine enthusiasm, causing Kryten to shudder.

Miranda, seated at Rimmer's station, glanced over at the mechanoid. "How far away is it?" she asked.

"It's in the next sector. You may want me to keep searching for a better planet, however—this one is on the edge of GELF space. It might be dangerous."

"Let me see," Lister said, walking over to stand by Kryten.

Kryten punched up a star chart on the viewscreen and pointed out their position and that of the planet.

"It's worth checking out," said Lister. "Miranda, why don't you go wake up the Cat and let him know what's up? We'll need his nose to help assess the threat level on the planet."

She nodded and left the cockpit.

"Shall I plot a course to the planet, sir?" Kryten asked.

"Yeah, but I have no intention of living there," Lister said. Kryten looked like he was about to say something, so Lister hurriedly began to speak. "Look, we don't have much time before she gets back, but we need to talk. I think Rimmer was right—Miranda's some kind of vampire. She's messing with me mind, too. When she's around, I can't think straight. Cat's probably under her influence too, judging from the recording Rimmer made. We've got to get away from her somehow, and we'll need you to help us do it. She's not affecting you, right?"

"That is correct, sir."

"Good. Here's the plan: We go to this planet you just found, and we all teleport to the surface. Then the three of us teleport back to the _Bug_ and strand her there. And listen: No matter what I might order you to do while she's around, stick to the plan. Got it?"

"Yes, sir!" Kryten replied. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he looked forward to putting Lister's plan in action.

* * *

 

_Starbug_'s crew materialized in a field of tall, waving grass on the edge of a forest. Miranda had initially objected to the use of the teleporter, but the others had managed to persuade her that it was the safest way to explore unknown planets.

"It seems nice enough," commented Lister, assessing the surroundings. He cocked his head, listening. "And it sounds like there's fresh water nearby. What do the scanners say, Kryten?"

"There is indeed a large river half a mile to the north of us. Scans indicate that there is life on this planet, but the readings indicate that it's most likely wildlife; there are no settlements or developed areas that would denote the presence of intelligent life."

"Cat?"

"All clear so far."

"Great." He turned to Miranda, suddenly loathe to leave her. It would be horribly lonely on _Starbug_ without her. _She can't be dangerous,_ he thought. _She's so beautiful.... Idiot!_ the more rational part of his brain replied. _Beauty means nothing! Think straight!_

Kryten hurried to adjust the settings on the teleporter so that only three people would be transported back to _Starbug_. It was delicate work due to the proximity of the person he needed to exclude from the teleporter's field.

Miranda tensed, sensing Lister's internal struggle. She bent the full power of her wiles on him, psychically urging him to defend her and stay with her.

Lister wavered, drawn by her enticements. But then he became aware of a darker, hidden element in the emotions she was sending his way—an abiding hatred of men and a grim delight in having destroyed so many. The ugliness he glimpsed in her shocked him back to himself, breaking the stupor into which he had been falling.

"No!" he said vehemently. "It's over, Miranda!"

Miranda felt herself being walled out of his mind, and fear shot through her at the loss of control. Without her ability to sway men's minds, she was defenseless.

"Don't kill me!" she pleaded in a broken voice.

Lister noticed Kryten about to activate the teleporter, and signaled him to wait a few minutes. "We have no intention of killing you," Lister replied in a gentler voice, seeing her genuine fear. "We're simply leaving, Miranda—and you're staying here, where you can't hurt anyone else."

"You—you're not going to kill me?" she asked, shocked.

"No. We're not murderers. But there's something I need to know: Did you kill Rimmer?" Lister suspected that she had somehow engineered his death, but he wanted confirmation. He knew that Kryten had been blaming himself for what had happened, and felt that only by hearing the truth from Miranda would the mechanoid be freed from that burden.

She hung her head, unsure of what to say. Finally, she looked up and whispered, "Yes," fully expecting it to be the last thing she said. Lister would never let her live now that she'd admitted killing his partner.

"That's what I thought. I can't forgive you for that, but I won't kill you."

"Why?" she breathed, unable to understand.

"Because it wouldn't bring him back," he said heavily, his voice choked with pain. "The cycle of revenge has to stop somewhere, Miranda."

She looked at him in wonder. "I've never met anyone like you. I didn't know men could be so noble."

"People aren't all that bad if you give them a chance," Lister said. "We would have helped you if you'd asked us. I hope you'll remember that if anyone ever comes to this planet."

She nodded, tears in her eyes from realizing too late that she could have pursued other courses of action that would have gained her friends rather than a life of exile. "I have a lot to think about," she agreed. "Good-bye."

"Good-bye," echoed Lister as Kryten activated the teleporter.

* * *

Life on board _Starbug_ returned to a semblance of normality, but the absence of Rimmer wore on them all—even Cat, although he would never admit it openly. Lister tried his best to be strong for the others' sakes and to be his usual self, but it was difficult. Joy seemed to have vanished from the universe, and he felt there was no one to blame for that fact but himself. One small hope still burned in his heart, though, so he kept on going.

The weeks stretched into months, and the months into a year. At last, against all the odds, the possibility that Lister had dreamed about for so long became a reality: The crew located an intact hologramatic projection unit on a derelict Space Corps vessel they had boarded.

"You can get it to work, right, Kryten?" asked Lister eagerly as they inspected the unit back on board _Starbug_.

"I can hook it up to _Starbug_'s systems," answered Kryten carefully, not wanting to dampen Lister's enthusiasm but knowing that he couldn't let Lister hope for a miracle that would not be forthcoming. "But that won't help us get Mr. Rimmer back. His personality disk was totally destroyed. I tried everything I could to repair it or rescue the data, but it wasn't possible. I'm sorry, Mr. Lister, sir, but you need to accept the fact that he's gone."

"Maybe he's not, Kryters. When I was looking through his stuff, I found a personality disk. Knowing Rimmer, it's gotta be a backup copy of his own data."

"That's wonderful news, sir!" Kryten said. "Do you have any idea how recent a copy it is?"

"No, but at this point I don't care. I just want to see him alive again, even if he's as annoying as he was when we first met."

"I understand, sir. I'll have the unit hooked up within an hour."

* * *

Lister stood nervously in front of the hologramatic projection unit, preparing to insert the personality disk that held all his hopes. Kryten had left to give them privacy, assuming that the disk _was_ Rimmer. Lister was convinced of that—what he wasn't so sure about was whether Rimmer would forgive him.

Kryten, surprisingly, had told him he didn't believe that would be a problem. "Mr. Rimmer has changed a lot since I've known him, sir. He's not a vindictive man any more. I believe he genuinely loves you. It was fear for your safety that was foremost in his mind when he approached me about confronting Miranda—not revenge. That tells me that he had already forgiven you in his heart."

_I hope you're right, Krytie. Well, here goes nothing..._

Breathing deeply to calm his nerves, he turned on the unit and inserted the disk. He took Rimmer's light bee from his pocket, grateful once again to Kryten for having had the foresight to retrieve it from where it had fallen and keep it safe. He raised it to his lips and gave it a quick kiss—"For luck" he mumbled—then thumbed its on switch as he tossed it into the air.

And there was Rimmer—complete with flared nostrils, curly hair, and blue padded jacket. "Rimmer ..." he said shakily, taking a step toward him.

"Listy!" Rimmer exclaimed. "What on Io...?" The rest of his question was cut off as Lister embraced him, holding on as if he would never let go, and burst into tears.

"Shhh, it's all right," Rimmer soothed him as he returned the hug, holding Lister tightly and kissing the top of his head. "Don't cry...everything's all right."

"It will be," choked out Lister, "if you still love me."

"Of course I love you, stupid. Haven't I been trying to tell you that for the past few weeks?"

Lister loosened his embrace so he could look up into Rimmer's eyes. "It's been more than a few weeks, mate. What's the last thing you remember?"

"Deciding to make a backup copy of my personality disk in case..." Rimmer hesitated, still unsure of his standing with Lister.

"What?" prompted Lister. "Tell me—I won't get mad."

"In case you were angry at me for showing you Miranda's true form."

Lister felt awful that Rimmer had feared he might try to erase him. Given his actions during that whole mess, it wasn't an irrational fear for Rimmer to have had. "God, I'm sorry, Rimmer," he said. "I really screwed things up. You were right about Miranda, and she killed you for it."

"She _what_??!" Rimmer squeaked, beginning to hyperventilate.

"She electrocuted you about a year ago. The voltage surge destroyed the projection unit and your personality disk, and we weren't able to find a new projection unit until today."

Lister felt Rimmer sway a bit, and he guided him down to the floor. "Sit down, put your head down, and breathe deeply. Just relax—you're OK, and she's far away now."

"So I'm the backup copy?" asked Rimmer.

"No, you're _you_," corrected Lister. "Arnold J. Rimmer, who I love with all me heart and soul." He tightened his hold on his friend.

"What happened to Miranda?" Rimmer asked after the shock of hearing about his death had receded somewhat.

"We stranded her on a deserted planet."

"So it's just us four again."

"Yeah, now that we've finally got you back." Lister flung his arms around Rimmer again and hugged him tightly. "God, I missed you, Rimmer," he murmured into his chest.

Lister felt warm fingers on his chin, urging him to look up. He raised his tear-streaked face, and Rimmer leaned down and kissed him passionately, taking his breath away.

"I missed you too, Listy," he said simply after they stopped for air.

Lister tugged on Rimmer as they kissed again so that they ended up in a tangle on the floor. "I've been dreaming about this moment for a long time, Rimsy," he said as he began pulling at Rimmer's clothes. "I can't wait any longer for you to make love to me again."

Rimmer's heart began pounding even faster than before. "What about the others?" he murmured as he tore at Lister's clothes, thoroughly aroused.

"They won't interrupt us," laughed Lister. "They know I need to be with you." He cried out with pleasure as Rimmer's hand encircled his cock and squeezed it gently. "Oh, yeah, that's it..."

Lister ran his hands up and down Rimmer's back, pulling him even closer as they kissed again. Lister moaned as he felt Rimmer's fingers probe his anus and penetrate him.

"Yes..." he sighed, reaching for Rimmer's cock and stroking it. He felt that he would burst with desire. "I want you inside me, now, please!" he gasped lustfully, desperate to feel that strength and vitality inside him. He rolled over on his side and pressed his butt against Rimmer's erection.

Rimmer complied gladly, burying himself in Lister as quickly as he felt his partner could accommodate him. Lister moaned with satisfaction and desire at the sensation of a very alive Rimmer deep inside him. "Harder!" he ordered, grabbing his own penis and starting to jerk off roughly to match Rimmer's strokes.

"Listy!" groaned Rimmer, thrusting as hard as he could. "I'm close..."

"So'm I," gasped Lister in response. "Don't stop!"

Rimmer gave one last hard stroke and tensed, quivering. "Ahhh!" he sighed. Almost simultaneously, Lister climaxed noisily.

Rimmer snuggled against Lister, clasping him firmly in his arms as he tenderly kissed the back of his neck.

Relaxing in the warmth of the strong embrace, Lister knew that he was back in his safe harbor again and all was right with the world.


End file.
